Hi there,
In a lecture with a marketing manager from Spotify many years ago, the topic was how one’s usage of Spotify was seen as the start of a relationship. Just as you wouldn’t ask someone to marry you on the first date, they wouldn’t then ask a new user to become a monthly paid user upon downloading the app. First, you go on a few dates together, and slowly things become more serious. Eventually, you get to talk about moving in together, and, later on, kids.
Relationships are two-way streets (at least healthy relationships). It does not matter what one wants if it goes against what the other one wants. Or, as a teenage ex-boyfriend of mine used to tell me -a.k.a. my very first lesson about consent, “what one person does not want, two people don’t get to do.”
Kinda obvious, and yet a hard lesson in practice. Otherwise, why would we so often experience episodes of frustration, anger, and upset in life? Truth is, things often do not go our way, and when our emotional intelligence is not very high, our relationship with life suffers. Which means, we suffer.
“When life pushes you to the edge, you have two options: fear the fall, or enjoy the view.” Connor Chalfant
In these moments, we either encounter so-called negative reactions, or we simply give up, and with indifference accept all as it is. We "get it" and leave it at that — that total passive acceptance can be a defense mechanism to avoid suffering and work.
And just like that, we carry a dysfunctional relationship with life. In our struggles and frustrations, and in our indifference, we go on living, in a loveless relationship with ourselves. Life becomes a schedule, things to do, appointments, with some entertainment and leisure moments here and there to compensate for the rest. Because we’ve lost our innate love for life and our belief in ourselves, life is only full of love when we fall in love with someone or something else.
“Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it.” Steve Maraboli
Where is your lust for life?
To live a turned-on life. That has been my focus in recent years: to remove as many limiting beliefs from me as possible and increase how much life energy I can circulate within my being. This supports me to be a healthy creator of my life. As I see it, this is how we can all create a more joyful, fulfilling life. That is how we understand at a full-body level that we can create our own rules. That is how we free ourselves from our fake selves and embody our radiance.
Our attitude towards life is directly related to our mental models. If we think we can’t do X and we are not willing to face our fears, then surely we complain and stay stuck. The way to shift and expand our life is by shifting our minds. Be present, feel love in your heart, and acknowledge the beauty around you, and out of a sudden reality shifts.
“The real geniuses are the people who love life.” Marty Rubin
Another thing that impacts our reality is how much life energy force we carry within us; which I call plainly ‘excitement’, or ‘enthusiasm’. Lust for life. It is not something we can only think about: it is something we feel in our bones. Gladly, we can nurture it — through the quality of our thoughts, making choices based on our hearts, the depth of our breath, total presence here now with gratitude and connection. Yes, there are many ways to feed the life that is running in us, and all we need to do is to get out of autopilot.
“I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.” Arthur Rubinstein
It’s a two-way street: the magic of life shows up when we show up for it. As improving any relationship goes, the way to improve our lives is to improve our relationship with life and with ourselves. To be better listeners of what life is telling us. To not get angry at it, to not get frustrated at it and be a drama queen, but listen and talk to it and to ourselves better.
To not surrender by being a passive agent, but to know what one wants and work together with life, make it more visual and clear, and make it come true. To realize no one has complete control, but there is co-creation, by acting on what we have, what we receive, and what we listen to. As the cliche says, life is a dance. There is nothing more alive and moving than pure life itself. You cannot dance when you are all passive, nor when you try to call all the shots. But when you understand and embody that the life around you is you, everything shifts.
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” Oprah Winfrey
It’s not much different from riding a horse: we ride the horse, but we trust the horse knows what it is doing. This interplay of having power and surrendering to life’s power and ultimately becoming one is what makes it adventurous, exciting, and fun. It is what elevates life to new heights.
All in all, it requires us to stop being scared of life, and of taking risks. Show the horse who is riding — but by all means, release the bridle, and enjoy the ride. Trust me, the horse is dying to go galloping with us, and we are the only ones stopping it.
It is an invitation to become lovers of life. Happy to be alive, ready for adventure time. We get to enjoy the magic of not having control over it all as well as the wonders that the mystery brings us- if we want. In other words, we can appreciate what at first might look like chaos for some.
“You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” Friedrich Nietzsche
In this chaotic dance that scares so many, there is no absolute right and wrong. Every situation is a different situation that requires its own discernment of what the next step of the dance shall be. You choose where to turn.
This ‘no right and wrong’ that is outrageous for people who are a bit too self-righteous has been one of the greatest spiritual lessons for me. Things change. We need different things in different moments to grow. A single day can make all the difference. Growth in terms of conscious expansion requires adaptability, flexibility, and malleability. Lightness in every step. Grace. All skills of great dancers.
Let's face it: our constant need to put and keep order in our lives is an effort to master the chaos we all carry within. And because life does not always respect our preferred order and conceived plans, we get *a bit* upset.
Life is chaos, we are life, we are chaos, but wait! Nothing of this is chaos, really. It is an order we cannot rationally comprehend, here to teach us to trust, to constantly love life, and co-create more life. Life wants to live, life feeds on life, and life wants to live within each and every one of us.
“Order is what exists before you start arranging things.” Marty Rubin
See things from different angles, step into the unknown, and play with possibilities never seen before. Grasp a greater picture and the beauty of it all in awe. Keep loving even when all around you is hatred. This life is really an amazing scheme.
Loving Chaos
Rigid minds expecting linear progression and clear futures are great for creating safe comfort zones. Part of the magic of a loving relationship is the unexpected kiss, the out-of-this-world creative date (even if at home), the surprise note.
In life, this comes from the understanding that the human mind is full of limitations and there is a much bigger picture that we cannot fully grasp today. Many tend to call this bigger picture “chaos”, but it is from there that all those sweet notes from life come from.
“Coming out of your comfort zone is tough in the beginning, chaotic in the middle, and awesome in the end…because in the end, it shows you a whole new world.” Manoj Arora
Nothing is stable. Things fall apart and then we put the pieces together so they will once again break down and we put them together again. Having fun putting the pieces together again in a new way is part of the process of being in love with life. And guess that? This breaking and putting together is actually stable. For whatever reason, we confuse stability with rigidity and control, as if things cannot move. More than anything, scared souls looking for total security neglect reality. This is an attitude that transforms life into troublesome, instead of joyful.
A certain degree of disorder is totally natural and stable. Stability comes from a balance between order and disorder, where we are prepared and long for being disrupted and even transformed, so we can keep growing. Anything else means fear of change and longing for death. Life is stable through destruction and transformations. Life keeps growing, through killing and reorganizing what no longer serves.
“Discord on one level is harmony on another.” Alan Watts
When working with traditional tantra and its deities, the Goddess Matangi comes to my mind. She is one of the ten Mahavidyas, which are archetypes of Shakti, the pure divine feminine, creator of life. Each one of the ten Mahavidyas embodies a different aspect of the divine female energy of Shakti, and teaches a different lesson to tantric students.
Matangi is amongst other things connected to divine chaos. The idea is that there is a much greater order to reality than we, so focused on human reality, can grasp. When working with the energy of Matangi, it is normal that life seems to get too chaotic out of a sudden. As students, we say that this is Matang playing with us, testing our ground: can we relax and let go of our ways? Can we drop our self-righteousness? Can we trust that there is something much greater on top of it all? Can we laugh at it and enjoy it? Can we see the beauty, regardless of what is happening? Can we keep in love with life, with ourselves, and with all around us?
“Chaos is what we’ve lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.” Terence McKenna
This world is a playing field to discover our own magic, and become who we truly are by unbecoming who we think we are — that is, letting go of social conditioning, fears, and mental models we have accepted to be true. We can shape society and touch all around us by redefining our relationship with ourselves and with our lives.
What frustrations, hatred, indifferences can you let go more of, what unknown territories within you can you embrace, to become more the pure spark of life that resides within you?
See you next week,
Aline
Ready for more clarity about what you want, self-connection, and empowered living? Check out my online course Set Your Intentions: What do you want?
I love this so much! Highly resonating and very much alive at this moment in time. Thank you for sharing <3
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